I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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