The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
