remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
