a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
