Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
