How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
