Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
