my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize