No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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