i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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