JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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