She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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