there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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