I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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