what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
