there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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