Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
