it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
