I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
