I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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