i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
