He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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