i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
