lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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