Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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