fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize