we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
