Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
