he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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