carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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