im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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