her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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