dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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