I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I want to make a zoo with you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
