So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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