just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
