Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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