Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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