someone threw a dead crab at me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
