She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
