The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I stole a fireplace last night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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