I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
