you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
