On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize