i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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