I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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