Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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