I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
