Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she smelled like a LAN party
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
