Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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