I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize