When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
