I have demons in me.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
