tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
