onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
