I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
