maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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