1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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