I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
