His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
