I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
