He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
