I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
