Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
