Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
