Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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