people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
