I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
