you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
