I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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