I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
