Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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