so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it because I queefed?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
