You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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