I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
