i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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