Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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