Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
