I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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