Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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