Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I could fuck to npr.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
