I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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