And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
