I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
