I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
