it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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